I am a former born-in Jehovah’s Witness (JW) (left in 2015). I pioneered for decades and was a devout JW. I am now an academic and psychologist who publishes research on the experience of leaving the JWs / shunning.
The latest update on the JW website has caused much distress in the lives of exJWs who have been contacted out of the blue by family and friends.
These people have spent years and, in some cases, decades rebuilding their lives while grieving their JW family who have shunned them completely. Former JWs often experience anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation because of the pain of social and familial loss. I personally know of four who ended their lives by suicide just in my congregation over one decade. I believe that a number of JWs want to leave but cannot because they know their family will disown them. I know this because participants in my research discussed that their desire to leave the JWs occurred quite some years before their eventual exit.
Whether disfellowshipped or not, most ex-JWs (including myself) have been shunned for many years and treated as dead by family and friends. WT even has a watchtower article touting disfellowshipping is a ‘loving arrangement’.
I am not disfellowshipped, but completely shunned by all JWs in my family, even one of my children. After I left the religion, I decided to study psychology in a quest to understand how religions like this can have such a tight grip on people, to the extent that you can shun your own children, parents, grandparents, siblings, and a lifetime of friends. After getting my degree, I went on to gain a PhD in psychology which further explored identity transition out of the JWs and the consequences of shunning.
My research compared the experience of being disfellowshipped to leaving the JWs through choice and compared the exit stories in those ‘born and raised’ JWs to those who had converted. Those who leave through choice seemed to exhibit at least some measure of control over their decision to leave although still being shunned. In contrast, those who were disfellowshipped seemed to have a much harder time transitioning their identity post-exit.
For some, especially those ‘born-in’, the transition was very difficult because their minds were ‘hard-wired’ to JW teachings, rules and consequences of breaking the rules. Many of these still believed JW doctrine at the time of disfellowship and felt completely ‘conditioned’ from childhood. They struggled to navigate life outside of the JW bubble, could not bring themselves to celebrate Christmas, birthdays etc., and one even went on to refuse a blood transfusion – even if this cost their life.
All disfellowshipped JWs (at the time of their removal from the religion) in my research still believed Armageddon is imminent and that they would very soon die. You have to remember that JWs are strongly encouraged to only have friendships within the religion. This means that when you exit – you often have NO-ONE! Loneliness and isolation are dangerous to mental health. During my research it was heartbreaking to hear about suicide over and over again. This wasn’t even part of my research.
Those who converted to JWs seemed to be able to revert to their pre-JW identity over time. Although this wasn’t easy, these were more likely to have family who would support them after exit. This highlights the extent of the power of childhood indoctrination especially in connection with the Watchtower’s graphic Armageddon imagery that JW children are exposed to.
Large full page colourful yet frightening images of fire from heaven, people screaming, falling buildings and opening chasms in the earth.
This is in juxtaposition to images of paradise as the reward for obedience.
More research ought to explore the power of graphic imagery on children’s wellbeing in connection with religious choices in adulthood (this is on my to do list!).
I have received messages from a number of ex-JWs over the past 2 weeks who have been contacted out of the blue since this JW update (you can watch the update on the JW website).
When one woman asked her mother “does this mean we can have a relationship again”, this JW replied to her daughter “no, but I can now say hello to you if you come to the hall”. This reopening of old wounds is causing even more threats to mental health. Recovery from shunning takes time, and to have those old wounds opened up again is very, very cruel. Dangling a carrot with “terms and conditions apply”, is NOT a change in shunning. It is a deliberate act of manipulation (shame on you Watchtower!).
I feel sorry for current JWs who after shunning their families for many years now are told to contact them. This must be causing a high degree of cognitive dissonance, and indeed if I were still a JW, would make me feel like a hypocrite.
Softening their overall reputation by “allowing” men to grow a beard, and women to wear slacks in my opinion, highlights the level of control.
One last thought in light of the situation in Norway. Some of my research participants were disfellowshipped as adolescents (under 18). One had her first suicide attempt at age 14 and has been sectioned under the mental health act a number of times since. Another two females, both disfellowshipped at age 15 reported that they have never got over the experience of being disfellowshipped and shunned at such a young age. IF Watchtower IS softening their disfellowshipping rules to children and adolescents, I believe this is in direct response to losing their registration in Norway in connection with the Religious Communities Act.
I thank Norway, and all the lawyers and academics for their endeavours to stop the shunning and to make JWs see that this is just not an acceptable situation.
Please know that recovery is possible. There are many resources for ex-JWs online and on social media. There are also helplines available to those who are struggling. Please ask for help if you need support!
I am not a ‘diseased apostate’ as the JW organisation likes to label those who dare to question their teachings. I am a former JW who is concerned about the mental health of disfellowshipped JWs. I know most JWs are lovely people who mean well. But in the end, they are extremely obedient to the Watchtower society governing body comprised of nine men in New York. It is these men that we need to convince to change.
If anyone would like to read my work, here is the link to my Google scholar page.
Dr Heather Spooner (formerly Ransom)
Lecturer in Psychology
University of Bolton
UK
2 replies on “Psychologist Responds to Recent Watchtower Changes”
It is unrealistic to expect the mostly lovely folks who are extremely obedient to the Watchtower to disagree or argue with the society’s governing body of nine men in New York, who, you say “we need to convince to change.” You know very well if any one of them ever drifted from the ingrained doctrines and status quo, that that person would be removed, disfellowshipped, and a like-indoctrinated man would be chosen from the vast numbers of members as a replacement.
Instead, it’s individuals like yourself who need to change your allegiance and walk away from the manipulative, man-made JW organization, that makes up harsh rules that forbid mothers from having a relationship with their own daughter.
Having left the organization in 2018 I am well aware of the difficulty in convincing those that are loyal to the governing body, believing them to be God’s channel of communication. However, they are not the main target. By as many means as possible, government officials and legislators, along with the public at large need to be made aware of the harmful policies of the Watchtower organization. Thankfully this seems to be happening not only in Norway but in Spain, Belgium, the Netherlands and country after country.